@AtticusFinch79: I don't mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he's hiding in them waiting for me to get home.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheTweetOfGod: People who call the Bible a fairy tale forget that in fairy tales everyone lives happily ever after.
@leshnevsky: - Michelle, we must break up... - Oh, I'll kill myself! - That's a nice bonus. Thank you!
@JamColley: two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life.