@MikeCanRant: I dont mean to brag, ladies, but I can turn on most appliances with one finger
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@markleggett: I often think "Why would anyone live in Gotham? It's a shithole!", but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME].
@LizHackett: Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought.
@MarfSalvador: Friend: Be adventurous in the bedroom, girls love that [Later in bedroom] Me: You like that? *Lays another bear trap* You like that babe?
@LetsQuoteComedy: In 1000 years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and think we fried people as punishments.