@MikeCanRant: I dont mean to brag, ladies, but I can turn on most appliances with one finger
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@MrAdamBez: What do you mean I've had enough to drink?!! Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I consider myself Christlike in that I refuse to believe my parents ever had sex with each other.
@realHamOnWry: Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'.
@WildeThingy: I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth.