@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.
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@MrFornicator: A judge in Oklahoma City wed a couple and then sentenced the groom to prison. That sounds redundant to me.
@KateQFunny: TIP: Always carry a motorcycle helmet with u. Then u never have to do your hair & u can blame it on safety & the law & stuff. #lifehacks