@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.
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@shawn_spree: I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours. I would have paid a hundred dollars to watch that.
@GirlRestrained: Oh look a Spider...... Oh look Listerine.... Oh look spider wiggling for life.... Minty fresh dead spider
@WilliamAder: Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp.
@andreeahluscu: I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been "whoa there chap"