@RobElliottComic: I don't mean to sound like a tough guy but I've been in New York City for almost two hours and I've only cried like 31 times...
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@AdderallMomma: My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom.
@PaperWash: Cop: anything in your pockets that might hurt me? "Nah" *cop pulls out a pic of his ex GF and suspect* Cop: *wiping tears* I'm over it