@Marlebean: I don't mean to sound racist, but why do all Chinese food takeout boxes look the same?
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@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid
@TenaciousGrace_: Part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this." While another says "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
@lil_dead_girl_: You don't realize how much you miss someone until they come back from the dead.