@crayan9: I don't mind when people make kitchen jokes about women, but when they make jokes about women driving... Well that's when I run you over
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@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
@murrman5: I don't get why you have to call my wife *librarian ignores me while on phone* "your husband is here trying to check out a book about ramps"
@sofarrsogud: MOM: Any plans tonight? ME: Me and the guys heading out to find us some ladees *shoots finger guns HER: So Pokemon Go with Gary? M: Yessss
@robdelaney: Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord.