@timdonakowski: I don't need a pair of underwear, I just need one clean underwear.
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@rolldiggity: Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn't make a funny, cat-shaped hole. Not even close.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?
@thevirtualidiot: On second thought this "Thug's Life" tattoo probably shouldn't have been done in Comic Sans.
@craiguito: If your partner says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new," "anything" doesn't include getting stuck in a traffic jam