@HalfBakedHoney: I don't need a panic room; I can panic perfectly fine anywhere.
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@KeetPotato: magician: "think of a letter, any letter" me: "ok" magician: "now double it" me: [visibly confused]
@neledmax: My kid asked me what my childhood was like so I took the batteries out of the remote and had him change channels by hand the rest of night.
@BigBagOfScum: My friend was like "hey bring some cd's to listen to on the trip" and I was like "where are we going, 2001?"
@spcycucumber: Its not what it looks like officer! "you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n'sync" Ok I guess it was what it looked like