@heidi420x: I don't need to be rich, it would just be nice to live in a neighborhood where I could be confident that that noise was definitely fireworks
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@warbird622: Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now.....
@amazymay72x: LIES! STOP THE LIES! -My reply to my husband whenever he tells me he's gonna "repair that".
@Mikestanley1: [pulls up after first date] Me: well, this is my place Her: a bouncy house? Me: you expected a bouncy castle? IM SORRY "YOUR MAJESTY."
@Cheeseboy22: My wife told me we need a new bathroom scale a week ago, but today she let me know that it wasn't something she wanted for Valentine's Day.