@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.
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@Cheeseboy22: Accidentally deleted an invitation to join LinkedIn from a friend. I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like that again.
@briancthayer: *licks the powdered sugar off the donuts and puts them back* Boss: I kinda like these new low-cal donuts. Real moist.
@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside