@BobbyAwful: I don't pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald's sued me for illegal use of the double arches.
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@BeardSpice: *walks into bank* THIS IS A ROBBERY *people drop to the floor* JUST KIDDING, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE LISTENING *lowers guns* A TOMATO IS A FRUIT
@Playing_Dad: As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them
@trevso_electric: Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
@Book_Krazy: The lazy river is my favorite ride at this amusement park. "Ahhhhh!" I scream as I float in a giant circle, not spilling my drink at all