@jake_lach: I don't punish the dog for eating my unattended food because I do the same thing to other people
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@thatUPSdude: Hey people that knock on locked restroom doors, what are you expecting? "hey I'm taking a shit but come on in and join me"
@amishschool: My wife asked what I thought of her new blouse and I used the word "slimming", I explain to the other homeless people.
@thenoahkinsey: Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound.