@hotmessminushot: I don't quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don't even like 15 people altogether in my life.
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@jerm1991: Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation
@noog: *notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*
@rachelle_mandik: BOSS: It's come to my attention that you've disabled attachments for emails. You have to fix that. BUDDHA: But attachments cause suffering.
@SortaBadass: When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say "the baby is crowning!" and they'll laugh and laugh