@UNTRESOR: I don't really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
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@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.
@dafloydsta: I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]
@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.