@meganamram: I don't remember anything about being born, I must have been WASTED
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@That_Damn_Duck: Instead of saying you lost your eyesight due to an explosion while you were making meth, just tell people that you were blinded by science.
@Iwriteforcats: *writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're
@davedittell: MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH