@markleggett: I don't see any former child prodigies/spelling bee champions solving any of the world's problems. Thanks for nothing, you little burn-outs.
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@sixfootcandy: Mom always said to wear clean underwear in case I got hit by a bus and I'm like "they wouldn't be clean anyway mom!"
@Book_Krazy: *pulls up to window* Me: *on phone* Ok, so you want a chocolate shake also? Ok, I'll get two then. *phone rings while its at my ear*
@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
@Mikecanrant: In my most recent study, Ive found that saying "I'll have a chicken pot pie, extra pot" to KFC employees gets a laugh 4 out of 10 times.