@forbidd13909361: I don't see enough dead people.
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@Book_Krazy: "What's that?" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH!?!"
@jake_likes_naps: *cops finds my loose floorboard* Cop: What's under here... *they discover a lifetime supply of hot pockets* Me: I'd like my lawyer now.
@trevso_electric: Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.