@forbidd13909361: I don't see enough dead people.
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@daplusk: Nephew: [crying in line for Santa photo] Me: what's wrong? Nephew: He scares me Me: why? are you [turns to camera] Claustrophobic?
@just1fool: Since I live my financial life under water I decided to put a "Beware of sharks" sign in my front yard.
@Cllnsn: Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like "DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?" and then Rachel shows up and says "I got off the meth."
@iamburtjarvis: [at an indian restaurant] me: they’re well known for their gooey naan. her: what’s gooey naan? me: nothing much what’s goin’ on with you?