@warmyellowlight: i don't see why i have to clean the shower. imo it is the shower's job to clean me
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@david8hughes: [watches you eat my bday cake] "I've poisoned that." "Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?" [leans in & winks] "Poison."
@brandynwiththey: My day has been so awful I keep looking around to see if Nicolas Cage is in it.
@JGrumbie: Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She's my new favorite.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Only uneducated idiots are against vaccines, right? We can find comfort in that, right? Wait what? Oh fuck.