@nPhelendriqal: I don't smoke to be cool, I smoke so no one asks me to hold their baby.
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@KevinFarzad: Grand Theft Auto reminds me of Florida. Except one lets you shoot people without consequence and the other is a video game.
@Glynner85: I hate when The Little Mermaid is all "who cares no big deal I want more!" Like, you already have 20 thingamabobs you aquatic scumbag relax
@senderblock23: Why is there a wolf on Wall Street. Animals are bad with money. My cat just lost $80 at high-stakes uno
@realHamOnWry: I woke this morning to find Mr.Mittens on the bed staring at me with a look that said 'You're a mouth breather, and I'll never respect you'