@ElgatoEsmio: i dont swirl my wine because im sophisticated i do it because i can barely stand
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@andreeahluscu: I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been "whoa there chap"
@robfee: Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!
@SteveAmiri: July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them.
@darinlovesbacon: Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.