@ElgatoEsmio: i dont swirl my wine because im sophisticated i do it because i can barely stand
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@dlockw21: Cashier: Going snorkeling huh? Me: Yeah. Should be fun. Cashier: Watch out for sea snakes. Me: Hi, I'd like to return these.
@murrman5: "so, have you ever done a job interview over the phone before?" [over vigorous peeing] no, this will be a first
@AlanHungover: No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.