@robdelaney: I don’t “take” weed because weed “took” my best friend & trapeze partner Corton from me when we were 17. #ImissYouBrother #SwingWithJesus
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@ohheyohhihello: what do we want??? CHEESECAKE when do we want it??? PEOPLE VERY RARELY SAY THEY WANT SOMETHING THAT THEY DON’T WANT IMMEDIATELY
@Cheeseboy22: I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, "WAIT, THERE'S DONUTS?" and I say, "Sorry, last one!" and then eat it.
@joeljeffrey: I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.