@WilliamAder: I don't think a single person at the office noticed that I shaved off my mustache. All I heard all day long was, "Where are your pants?"
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@DirtMcTurd: [Watching "House Hunters"] Jen is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Tim manages a Taco Bell. Tim: Our budget is $4 million
@novicefather: I just steam cleaned my carpets and wondered how difficult a homicide would be to clean up.
@dreamthievin: If I have 5 apples and I give you 2 of them, just take the other 3 cause I'm going out for tacos
@CroweJam: Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she's in charge of North Korea.