@LOUD_Thoughts_: I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
@PerkyandSaggy: *Girl opens Xmas present* "Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?" "Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'm looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly." Ian: "I'm a medium." Me: "I need someone better than that."