@LOUD_Thoughts_: I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
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@Marlebean: He held up my pants and said "Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??" Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go.
@SamDelanche: My boss just asked if I'm illiterate, which is offensive because I know exactly who my father is.
@KentTheG: When co-workers ask if the photos on my desk are my kids, I like to say, "No, they're Dan's from accounting. But they're so cute!"