@Annoyedworld: I don't think I'm a father but I better celebrate just incase I am...
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@Beatonm5: Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves
@KKAlThani: I pretend I'm on the phone when entering a barbershop & say "I stabbed him only cause I hate small talk " so he doesn't try to talk to me.
@skitzoette: As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."