@Annoyedworld: I don't think I'm a father but I better celebrate just incase I am...
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@lecalabara: I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Is there candy in that drawer? Me: No. 4: Can I check? Me: Do you have a warrant?
@SirEviscerate: Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot.
@LoneWolfStories: Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them.