@Annoyedworld: I don't think I'm a father but I better celebrate just incase I am...
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@Ivsy01: (Writing in food journal) me: for lunch I had sa......... trainer: (interrupting) salad. awesome. me: sake.
@thenatewolf: *Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*
@TheHyyyype: HILLARY: i'm sick and tired of these baseless accusations THE MEDIA: aha! you see?! she admits it! not only is she sick, she's also tired!