@weinerdog4life: I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
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@AntozWolf: Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going.
@TheAlexNevil: I gave a man a fish. I taught a man to fish. Fish aren't all that happy with me right now.
@yonewt: Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects
@david8hughes: [at the drs] Dr: are you sexually active? Me: yeah Dr: with real people Me [avoiding eye contact & twisting my foot in the ground]: yip