@weinerdog4life: I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
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@markleggett: My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
@EJGomez: one time this girl pulled me close & said "I'm the girl your mom warned you about" & I said "so you chose bulbasaur as your starter pokemon"
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: may we contact your previous employers? [cut to the giant grave in the desert where I buried them all] Me: lol you could try