@jasonroeder: I don't think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we're both pointing at the same tornado.
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@TheSharona06: Today seems like a good day to wash my hair and take 10 selfies wearing 10 different shirts so I can pretend I look human on a regular basis
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
@pixelatedboat: I was the fastest gun in the West, I'd shoot you with a ham before you could even ask "What is that, some sort of ham cannon?"