@jasonroeder: I don't think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we're both pointing at the same tornado.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...
@heckinglame: Horton Hears a who? Horton Hears a what? Horton Hears a huh? Horton hears a chicka chikca chicka chicka slim shady.
@FilthyMacrame: I'm a man who hates rocks *smashes a rock with a sledgehammer* oh great I just made like a thousand more rocks