@RealFartShady: I don't think none of Christopher Nolan's ex girlfriends know how the hell it ended.
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@Izianikapani: My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though.
@better_off_dad: Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?
@sageboggs: "You're getting an MFA in English? Wasn't your Bachelor's useless enough for you?" -second degree burn
@Bryainiac: I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out.