@RealFartShady: I don't think none of Christopher Nolan's ex girlfriends know how the hell it ended.
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@AGreaterMonster: This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh.
@OtherDanOBrien: Friend (seeing my bookcases): Wow, have you read all of these books? Me: Have you? Friend: No. Me: Then yes. Yes I have.
@KamaroPayne: My kids are gone for the WHOLE day. nnI miss them SO much, I can barely bring myself to pop this 3rd bottle of Champagne.
@VanVeenB: Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels.