@GrumpyBahr: I don't think Nyquil knows what cherries taste like!
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@Darlainky: When you're craving a Krabby Patty so bad!!! But the Krusty Krab is closed....and also fictional.
@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@AnkCoupleTO: Just saw Samuel L. Jackson order a couple of bagels. He paid for them and said thank you so basically now my whole life is ruined
@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?