@ryangriffiths: I don't think people understand the potential ramifications when they say to me "just be yourself".
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@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps
@TheMichaelRock: Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.
@robdelaney: Trump University is getting a bad rap. My nephew went there and he can poop in a toilet AND say the N-word.