@dariatbh: I hope all the friends I've made in the bathroom at 1am are still SO pretty and everything worked out with that boy they were drunk texting
@gobmentcheese: In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group photo.
@atanenhaus: Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
@Brampersandon_: MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea
DAD: yup
ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol
@Not_From_Troy: - Do you have photos of your girlfriend naked?
-No.
- Do you want some?
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