@DaddyJew: I don't think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
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@JermHimselfish: There used to be 9 planets, just like there used to be 9 members of Wu-Tang, but then ODB died so they had to kick Pluto out of the group.
@TheBoydP: Why do parents train babies to peek with the game peekaboo but then spend the remaining childhood telling them not to peek?
@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Don't reply to texts right away or you might look desperate. Just wait. Give it 5, 10, maybe even 15 years. Keep things casual.
@HatfieldAnne: Accidentally got melted butter on some fried chicken and this is my delicious origin story.