@TheAlexNevil: I don't trust a restaurant that advertises "Now with more bacon!" because it means they were holding out on me to begin with.
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@NicestHippo: You hate it "No I just didn't think we'd spend our anniversary here" *pssss* "What was that?!" The bouncy castle is deflating
@sucittaM: I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
@dlockw21: TSA: Sir, you can't bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight. Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest? TSA: ....