@TheAlexNevil: I don't trust a restaurant that advertises "Now with more bacon!" because it means they were holding out on me to begin with.
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@KindOfASmartass: Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10. Her: Do you want more kids? Me: Hahahahahahahaha Her: Is that a no? Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha
@That_Damn_Duck: My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street.
@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.
@JohnLyonTweets: Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.