@TheAlexNevil: I don't trust a restaurant that advertises "Now with more bacon!" because it means they were holding out on me to begin with.
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@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.
@LindaInDisguise: All I said is that I didn't know whether we were a Marvel or DC family and my husband and kids locked me out of the house.
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
@funnybeachgirl: Friday night plans *break into plastic surgeon's office *put goldfish in the silicone implants *sneak away undetected *giggle like a maniac