@CharlieDontSrf: I don't trust anyone with a beard, especially a woman
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@sunexplode: Act happy in the supermarket checkout line to contradict the sad story unfolding on the conveyor belt.
@duplicitron: Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.
@FuttyNudgekins: When I see a self-help book at a secondhand store, I wonder...does that mean it worked, or it is bullshit?
@SwanieChicken: Started as a twitter crush, moved on to twitter boyfriend, now he's my twitter husband. Honeymooning on Google+ so we can be alone.