@EricDumbTweets: I don't trust people who say "I married my best friend" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HomeProbably: It's amazing what happens when you take a little time to get to know someone. They become even more annoying.
@PAT_E_ROCK: BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl.
@coldlippdheresy: Told my boss the salary I want when I move to California. Him: so you want the moon and all the stars too? Me: and Saturn.