@EricDumbTweets: I don't trust people who say "I married my best friend" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SpokeAna: Had a breakthrough with my therapist yesterday. Never seen a man cry like that before.
@Marlebean: I never understood how a mother could lift a car with a child trapped under, until my phone got stuck under my bed.
@gmossii: My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.
@TheRobCee: Before the invention of the hose, firefighters had to put fires out with their fists.