@SergioValenCo: I don't tweet about my boss because I don't wanna be a suspect when he disappears.
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@WhaJoTalkinBout: Deli counter guy told me bad things happen in 3's after he dropped his phone and bumped his head, so I complained about him to management.
@Reverend_Scott: Satan: "Waaazzz up?" God: "Speak of the Devil." Satan: "Really?" God: "Sorry, figure of speech." Satan: "Jesus Christ." Jesus: "What?"
@pizzajaynow: I've spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law's killer, but no one is willing to do it.