@realHamOnWry: I don't understand people who practice polygamy. Why would anyone want more than one mother-in-law?
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@koalaslament: I need a new job. One where I'm always running out the door with my arms flailing and holding a jar screaming "I GOTTA GET THIS TO THE LAB!"
@FaisalAdam_: Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, "GET LOST!" So I stared... Realising she wasn't saying more, I asked, "which season?"
@petemandik: I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.
@miss_foofoo: I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable.