@charrrllaa: I don't understand people with anchor tattoos that say, "I refuse to sink." It's a damn anchor! It's supposed to sink! What am I missing?
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: The gal in front of me on this flight didn't enjoy me stroking her forehead after she reclined into my lap. Thought we were having a moment.
@BigHeb7: If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can't be left alone with your best looking cousin.
@AtticusFinch79: [murder scene] Snail detective 1-He left a decent trail SD2- Let's track him down *10 hours later* SD1-Damn that guy is fast