@charrrllaa: I don't understand people with anchor tattoos that say, "I refuse to sink." It's a damn anchor! It's supposed to sink! What am I missing?
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@notorious_stars: I've decided to write a 'knock knock' joke about Jehovah's witnesses. "Knock, Knock, Knock , knock knock knock knock knock "
@thatdutchperson: [blind date] Her: I'm a Capricorn, which probably tells you way too much about m.. Me: *covers ears with bread rolls*
@Rebecca8672: UPS guy just acted like he'd never seen anyone answer the door in a super hero cape & a straw farmer hat.
@djdarrellripley: Me: HOLY SHIT! We've been robbed! Her: Oh No! Are you calling the police? Me: (Sigh) No, I'm calling the burglars to congratulate them..