@causticbob: "I don't understand swimming. You don't see fish going for a walk."
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@SleazySli: [at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: *mumbles something under her breath* Judge: Ribbit
@MarfSalvador: Wildebeest: 5 cheetahs on the horizon sir Wildebeest Sergeant: How many men do we have? Wildebeest: 4,000 Wildebeest Sergeant: RETREAT!
@murrman5: [at divorce lawyer] bad news, currently all your husbands assets are frozen "he didn't" he bought 1547 copies of it, he must really hate you
@fixyourcompass: My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'. I said: May divorce be with you...