@LaniBeno: I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?
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@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
@StarWarsProblms: [at the shooting range] Recruit: Sir, I missed every target. Officer: Perfect. *makes him a stormtrooper*