@kentgrossarth: I don't understand why gyms have mirrors. I know what I look like. That's why I'm here.
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@eileencurtright: Death hack: bury your loved ones with their fitness trackers for a low-cost early zombie alert system.
@XplodingUnicorn: I gave my baby a teething toy so she would stop chewing on my fingers. She wasn't interested because it didn't scream out in pain.