@juliussharpe: I don't understand why people always fight becoming a zombie or vampire. Both seem awesome because you don't have to have a job.
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@Barknado69: Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET
@Marl_TheBean: I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
@tsm560: Her: About last night, please understand that wasn't me... that was the wine. Me: ... Her: ... Me: Do you have a phone number for that wine?
@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend found lipstick on my collar and thought I was cheating on her so now I only let my collar wear makeup when she's out of town.