@kelkulus: I don't understand why people get embarrassed buying condoms. It's much more awkward trying to return them. "She didn't like me."
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@markleggett: Companies want "rockstar" employees, as rockstars are known for punctuality, even-tempers, and a desire to work in a corporate environment.
@VeroniKaboom: "He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I'd totally hit that."
@djdarrellripley: I can be a real tiger in bed. No, wait, wait... What's that animal that plays dead?
@B1gBrainsMcGee: If you watch COPS backwards it's just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs