@titusbb: I don't understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there's so heavy.
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@Kendragarden: I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, "Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."
@tastefactory: COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears "Lucky." On repeat.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I always keep at least 6 wigs in my trunk for trips to the grocery store so I can keep going back for samples