@kelkulus: I don't usually cry from onions, but this one's story is so inspirational.
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@joejwest: [on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please
@BlotterMonkey: Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
@outsmartedmommy: The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.