@SamanthaRae49: I don't usually talk to strangers but when I do its because I'm at the zoo and someone called a tortoise a turtle.
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@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
@theshamingofjay: I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
@michael_raphone: [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you last month? Me: The package said "Take on an empty stomach" so, not yet.