@sexypitabread: "I don't want no scrubs" a doctor says before she violates, like, a TON of health codes
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@flashember: ME: goodnight honey WIFE: goodnight EVIL BULLFROG THAT LIVES UNDER OUR BED: *angry ribbit ribbit* BOTH OF US (in unison): goodnight evil bullfrog *happy ribbit ribbit*
@jazmasta: *Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?
@rockymomax: ME: this is great INSTRUCTOR: you've never used a gun before, huh? ME: [throwing another gun at the target] I need more guns