@jordan_stratton: I don't want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house.
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@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda
@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood