@dresspants: I don't want to brag but I have a really nice bum. Found him under the bridge.
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@michaelianblack: Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts.
@ThaJawn: Pro Tip Jehovah's Witnesses will do anything to talk to you, including your dishes and laundry Try it
@MelKassel: Me: *staring into mirror* Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary *skeleton bartender appears and slides me a drink* SB: $8.50, $8.50, $8.50
@Cain_Unable: -"I hear the Israeli PM isn't too worried about that latest hack because.." -"Please don't" -"...Benjamin's Not on Yahoo" -"I'm leaving you"