@dresspants: I don't want to brag but I have a really nice bum. Found him under the bridge.
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@jdforshort: Apparently it's frowned upon to wipe sweat from the brow of a sexy guy at the gym Who knew
@GreyDeLisle: I'll never be as horrified as the kid who suddenly realizes they've been following the wrong "mom butt" at the grocery store.
@TedBundybitch: Don't mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months
@dank_dino: *judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*