@KentWGraham: I don’t want to say my wife and I are lazy, but we finally folded laundry yesterday and half the clothes don’t fit us anymore.
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@Dawn_M_: *rolls over to your desk on chair* So what was in that browser you just quickly minimised?
@mikescollins: Just convinced my Mom she won't get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn't see Teen Wolf first. Please play along.
@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted "you go girl!" from across the street.
@StarWarsProblms: [at the shooting range] Recruit: Sir, I missed every target. Officer: Perfect. *makes him a stormtrooper*