@katiefzack: I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY but I'll take it.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences
@chris_isloi: Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell "SPOILER ALERT!"
@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
@runawaycupcake: Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter.